Thursday, August 23, 2012

True Love or Infatuation?




Picture this...

     There is this person of the opposite sex that you really like.  You think they're handsome/beautiful and you really love their personality.  The more you're around them, you feel like you couldn't imagine not being with them.  You both share a mutual interest and so you pursue it.  Now you're dating and you're both really happy together...BUT...

     Is that an infatuation with that person just because they're funny, attractive, ect?  Or is this "The One?"  How do you know?  Well this is one of the biggest questions many of us ask; myself included.  I've struggled with knowing if what I was feeling for the opposite sex was really what the world likes to categorize as "love" or if I was just infatuated with this person?  How would I know "The One" when I saw him?  First of all, God will give you a total peace about who "The One" is when it's the right time, don't worry about it.  But, you have to be able to distinct the difference between true love and just what the world likes to call love; infatuation.  I stumbled across these simple ways to tell and wanted to share.

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True Love: Has a priority to maintain a close walk with God and desires to please the Lord above pleasing a guy/girl.
Infatuation: Thinks more about pleasing self and a guy/girl than about pleasing God.

True Love: Desires to please his/her parents and seeks their approval in a relationship with a guy/girl (whether your parents are Christians or not).
Infatuation: Desires to please a guy/girl no matter what his/her parents think.

True Love: Desires the approval of godly friends and spiritual authorities (Pastor, youth leader, Sunday School teacher) in their friendship with the opposite secs.
Infatuation: Develops a friendship with the opposite sex no matter what others think and does not seek the approval of godly friends or spiritual leaders.

True Love: Is more attracted to a guy's/girl's godly character than to his/her looks or popularity.
Infatuation: Is attracted to the attention a guy/girl gives and to his/her good looks and popularity, rather than looking for godly character.

True Love: Desires to wait for any kissing until the wedding day. Seeks to get to know their special someone as a person.
Infatuation: Desires to be touched and kissed without taking time to really get to know them first. Is not willing to wait for marriage for a physical relationship.

True Love: Willing to wait for God’s timing for marriage.
Infatuation: Wants to be married NOW.

True Love: Unselfish—thinks more about how to help others and gives oneself for others.
Infatuation: Selfish—thinks only about “myself and I” and what I can get out of this relationship.

True Love: Encourages one another in the Lord, reads God’s Word privately and together, memorizes Scripture together, and attends church faithfully. Desires to grow in the Lord and serve the Lord.
Infatuation: Not too concerned about reading God’s Word privately or together, memorizing Scripture, or faithfully going to church. Is more concerned of being with that guy/girl and thinking about them than desiring to grow in the Lord and serve the Lord.

True Love: Works out disagreements with God’s help.
Infatuation: Quarrels often and makes up to each other mainly for the hugs and kisses.

True Love: Wants to obey regulations set down by parents or guardians, so are only together when and where the parents or guardians approve.
Infatuation: Pushes regulations set by parents or guardians such as when to be home, where to go, and not to be alone. Desires to do their own thing. Plans ways in which they can be together or talk or pass notes when parents do not approve or know.

True Love: Does not seek a friendship with anyone who has glaring faults.
Infatuation: Overlooks faults because, “He loves me and that is all that matters.”

The following comparisons are taken from "Design for Christian Marriage" by Dwight Hervey Small)

True Love: Love grows, and all growth takes time.
Infatuation: Romantic infatuation may arise suddenly and without warning.

True Love: Love knows the other person more thoroughly and accepts both the positive and negative characteristics.
Infatuation: Romantic infatuation may arise from am acquaintance with only one, or the best, a few characteristics of the other person.

True Love: Love is other--centered and sacrifices to meet the needs of others.
Infatuation: Romantic infatuation is self-centered and looks at the other as a means to an end.

True Love: A person in love centers his attentions in one person only.
Infatuation: An infatuated person may be "in love" with two or more persons simultaneously.

True Love: A person in love feels a true identification with the other.
Infatuation: An infatuated person tends to think of the other person as strangely separate from himself despite their strong emotional unity.

True Love: A person in love tends to have a true sense of security in his relationship based on a growing range of trust and affection and mutual concerns.
Infatuation: An infatuated person tends to have a false sense of security about his love affair, which is based on wishful thinking, or sometimes upon a compulsive need for reassurance.

True Love: When in love this idealization is not so grandiose and it is checked against reality continually, and without fear or self-deception.
Infatuation: An individual who is infatuated sustains a mental picture of the object of his attention.

True Love: In love physical attraction plays a relatively less important role in the total relationship.
Infatuation: In infatuation physical attraction plays a more relatively more important role in the total relationship of the two persons.


Emily